Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Do Over

I'm calling a Do Over. You know, like when you were a child and didn't like the way you hit the ball. DO OVER! Here is a partial Do Over list for my life.

I would go to medical school and be a physician. I am not sure what type of doctor I'd be. Maybe reasearch.

I would not worry so much about my health or the health of my family. (That is to say, I wouldn't be such a hypochondriac.)

I'd go on antidepressants and not worry about what others think.

I would have removed the spiritual corncob up my ass a long time ago. Or better yet, not stuck it there at all.

Hey, I CAN do three of these things over. I think I will!:) Medical school will have to wait.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

My friend, Nattie

They went in to do surgery on Nattie today only to come back out and say the cancer is inoperable. She is young, so young. With two small children who need her. Please join me in prayer for Nattie. Dana posted this song on the wah message board, and I thought it was appropriate to share here. It's by the David Crowder Band and it's called:

All I Can Say

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

Saturday, May 26, 2007

So cute

Love it when they sleep like this. Now, why won't he sleep like this at night?

Caleb went to the state Special Olympics today to compete in gymnastics. We didn't go this year, but he came home with a lot of medals.

Glad it is a three day weekend for Olaf!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Happy 6th Birthday Gracie!

When Olaf gets home we will go out to dinner at Grace's favorite place to eat, Golden Corral. Olaf is going to pick up her cake on the way home. She wanted another Barbie cake, so that is what my friend (Stacey the cake lady) made for her. She is excited about opening her presents as you can imagine. She already got this one because Olaf had to set it up last night. Olaf also bought her this. I think it's gross, but she will love it. The dog actually poops. Blech. We bought this as well but I paid much more for it at WalMart than the price here at target! I will post pictures tomorrow.

Simon received gifts in the mail today from two sets of people. That is always fun! Scott and Frances sent him two of the cutest outfits from Baby Gap. Absolutely adorable. They also sent the softest little lamb from Gund that you can imagine along with some touch and feel books, a soft frog rattle, my first keys, and some stacking cups.

We also got a package from some friends, Jeff and Eileen. They sent the coolest gadget ever! They also sent two outfits and this adorable toy! Were we spoiled or what?? Thank you so much to both of you for your generosity.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Praying for Nattie

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

My friend Nattie was diagnosed with stomach cancer today. Please pray for her. She is a single mom of two young children. She has had more than her fair share of trials the past couple of years. I love you Nattie girl. I am praying for you!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Two weeks ago...

Can you believe my baby is two weeks old? His cord fell off a few days ago, so I put a cloth diaper on him today. He looks so cute with that big fat rear that only a cloth diaper can give.

He still looks jaundiced to me. It may even be getting worse. If he continues to get yellow I will take him in for a blood draw on Monday. I think he hit his birth weight today as well. I am certain the formula has helped him gain the weight. He takes about 6 ounces in a 24 hour period. It doesn't seem like much, but it has made a difference. He has gained about an ounce a day since I started supplementing. Josiah was totally formula fed by six months. Once he had a bottle, he didn't want to nurse anymore. I guess it took too much effort to nurse. Grace was still nursing then and maybe I just didn't have enough milk for both of them. Grace actually continued to nurse for another six months after Josiah stopped. She was about two and a half before I finally weaned her. I think she would have nursed a long time if I would have let her.

Olaf goes back to work on Monday. No more being Queen for me. I will have to put this baby down at times I guess. I have held him for most of his life. Sometimes I will put him down at night to sleep, but usually I hold him then too.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Good news, bad news

His level was down to 10.5 so they picked up the phototherapy bed. That made me happy. However, my little fella is not gaining weight. That scares me. I have never had a baby not gain weight before. I mean, my babies are usually a pound heavier than their birth weight at their one week check up. This child will be two weeks this Friday and still isn't at his birth weight. So, I did what any paranoid mother would do...I went to Babies R Us and bought this. I also decided to start supplementing with a few ounces of formula after I nurse him. Hopefully, he will gain some weight in the next few days and I can discontinue the formula. Those of you that know me, know I am a breast feeding nazi and supplementing with formula makes my heart sick. BUT...I want to do what is best for Simon and put my mind at ease as well. I will keep you updated. I know you will be on pins and needles to see what happens:)

We are going to Chuck E Cheese today to celebrate Grace's birthday. Olaf won't be able to take her actual birthday off, so we are going today. Then we will go to Toys R Us to let her pick out a birthday present. She is so hard to buy for we thought it may be better this way. I cannot believe she is going to be six. She is so adorable.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Off phototherapy

At least for now. His level was 11 today. We have to go back tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday morning for another blood draw to see if the bilirubin level falls again. I guess if it rises then we will be back on the lights. The only reason it would rise if he has something called breast milk jaundince. This type of jaundice can lasts for weeks (even months) and there is no need to do anything about it. However, I have a feeling that my pediatrician will certainly put Simon back on phototherapy if his level goes up at all. I guess I'll have to talk to her about it if his level rises.

I am below my pre-pregnancy weight now. Although my pre-pregnancy weight was still huge. I only gained about 15-17 pounds total with Simon and he weighed 8 and a half. I am planning on starting Weight Watchers again in a few weeks. Maybe at the end of June or beginning of July. I need to start exercising too, but I have to wait a few more weeks to do anything strenuous.

Caleb hasn't eaten dinner for the past two nights. Weird. I am not sure what is up with that. He acts totally normal and he eats his breakfast, but at dinner he pushes his food away and goes downstairs to watch TV. He hasn't even asked for a snack the last two days.

Josiah is getting so handsome. He is dressed so cute today in a Tommy Hilfiger shirt (it's a hand-me-down people) and shorts. Let me take a picture so you can see just how adorable he is.

And here is one of Simon today:

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day

We didn't get to the hospital yesterday because we were going to go today. We had to go through the ER and it was packed. I talked with the lady who registers you and she said I had to wait my turn just like everyone else even though Simon only needed lab work done. She said it would be a few hours before they could see me. HA! Like I am going to wait a few hours with a newborn in a crowded ER with a bunch of sick people. Needless to say, we came home and never got his bilirubin level checked this weekend. We called the pediatrician on call just to cover our rear ends (Simon's pediatrician was adamant that we go on Saturday and Sunday for the blood work) and let her know what happened. She said to just wait until tomorrow morning and have it drawn at the regular clinic. Hooray! We will keep him on the bililights until we know his level.

For Mother's Day I got the most wonderful presents. The best one was this:

My husband painted this jar with all the children's names on different colored hearts. Inside are slips of paper written by the children with reasons why they love me. Of course, Olaf did Caleb's and Simon's. It was so nice it made me cry. One of Simon's reasons was; Because you stare at me. It's so true. I sit there and stare at him because I love him so much. They also bought me stuff that I cannot live without like dental floss, hand sanitizer, trial size lotion, and Almond Hershey's Kisses wrapped in streamers. That was Cami's idea. To wrap little presents in streamers so when I unwrapped it little gifts would fall out one at a time. I also got 6 Jibbitz from my family, a digital photo frame, and a Willow Tree from Simon. So far, so good;)

Friday, May 11, 2007

Another heel stick

Simon's bilirubin level went down by 2 points today. We are supposed to take him to the hospital over the weekend to get him tested as well. I am thinking we may skip tomorrow (there is no way his level will be under 10 which is when they discontinue the bililights) and just go on Sunday. His level today was 14.7 down from 16.9 yesterday. I keep him on the lights as much as possible, but it's not 20 out of 24 hours like they want me to. It's more like 16 out of 24. If he cries, I pick him up. He has done really well though. The child rarely fusses unless he needs to burp, poop, or wants to eat. Oh, and when he gets his diaper changed. I cannot wait to snuggle him again though.

Mother's Day is Sunday. Olaf took the children out today to buy me something. They love to buy me presents. It is so cute. I have no idea why they love me, but they do:) I haven't spoken to my mother since the end of January. I didn't even call her when Simon was born. I really have no desire to try to have a relationship with her anymore. Sometimes you have to amputate a limb in order to survive. That is kind of how I feel about her. I haven't seen her for seven years, so it really isn't too difficult to cut off a relationship with someone who is a virtual stranger. Sad, isn't it?

OK, I really need to try to sleep. Simon sleeps well during the day but nighttime isn't so good. He does sleep at night, it's just a restless type of sleep. Not the deep sleep that happens during the day. I think he has Mommy radar too. As soon as I get to sleep, he cries! So, I pick him up and kiss on him and nurse him:) I love babies!

Thursday, May 10, 2007


His bilirubin level went up today instead of down. This is what happens when you have an ABO incompatibility with your baby. He has to be on phototherapy for at least three days. I can only pick him up to feed him and change his diaper. This is the first time the child has been out of my arms since he was born. I cried. I am still crying.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Video Birth Announcement

Jaundiced Baby

I had to take Simon in for a bilirubin blood test yesterday. His count was 14 which is moderately jaundiced. He doesn't require phototherapy lights until his level hits 20. I have to take him back in tomorrow for another blood test to see if the levels have dropped. The whites of his eyes are even yellow. The bad thing about that blood test is they make this cut (not just a poke) in his heel so it will bleed a lot. Then they have to fill up this little vial full of blood. It takes about 5 minutes or so of squeezing his heel. It is so hard to watch. He only cried minimally last time, so I am hoping tomorrow will be like that as well. Here is a photo of my yellow boy taken today after his first bath.

Thanks for all the encouragement on my last post:) I was doing better until I decided to massage the painful knots out of my girls. It released the milk which felt fabulous, but two hours later they were fuller than before. I nurse him constantly, but I think the problem started when he would only nurse on one side then fall asleep. Then he would wake up an hour later and nurse on the other side. So essentially, each breast is being milked every two hours. I cannot lie (or lay?) on my side because it feels like a mountain between me and the mattress.

I am still holding Simon 24/7 which is fine by me. I hold him all day and I hold him all night. Am I sleeping? Why, no I am not. However, this time passes by so quickly. I don't want to miss a minute. I think that is one of the advantages of being an older mom. You realize how fleeting this newborn stage is and you want to savor every.single.moment. I remember when I had Camille. I would get so mad in the middle of the night because I wasn't getting my sleep. Oh to be 28 again. I would do things a lot differently.

Leave a comment and let me know you were here. It is so fun reading them all. Even my friend, Tammy, stopped by. She doesn't even have the internet. She must have been at the library.

Monday, May 07, 2007


painful, hard, and huge
cannot pump

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Baby Euphoria

I still can't sleep. I am just too in love with Simon. I nurse him all the time because I love it. My milk is in and my boobs are no longer saggy, just huge. He is a little jaundiced, but not too bad. I don't let anyone else hold him too often, but I let Olaf last night:

The children adore him and want to be near him. Josiah keeps saying "He's so cute" over and over and over... Grace keeps saying "I am so happy we have another baby!" Camille is in love and just wants to hold him. Caleb is the only one that isn't as interested, but that is okay.

I had two visitors in the hospital. Krista and her mom, Miss Mike, came for a few minutes. I am not a big fan of visitors when the baby comes (in the hospital or at home). Mostly because of germs/sicknesses. But they were so kind to come and stay just a few minutes. Miss Mike prayed for all of us which was very kind. Krista brought me a this, which is too adorable.

The birth went great. My water broke at 3:30 am Friday as I was rolling over in bed. I got up and took a quick shower to wash the grease out of my hair:) We arrived at the hospital around 4:30. Asked for my IV so I could get an epidural even though my contractions weren't bad at all. Got an epidural around 7:00 am but it only took on my right side. I felt everything on my left side. They came back and tried to back the catheter out a little which seemed to work at first. However, as labor progressed I felt my left side again. I asked a nurse to check me because I was deciding whether or not to have the epidural reinserted. They were getting painful. She checked me at 11:00 and said, "Oh dear! His head is right here!" They had to call the doctor so we waited about half an hour for him to show up. Two contractions later, Simon was born. The nursing staff was fabulous for the full 24 hours. They left us alone for at least two hours after Simon's birth. It was just Olaf, Simon and me in the delivery room. When they transferred us to the Mom/Baby ward, they were just as respectful. They only came in about every three or four hours to check Simon and myself. The OB came in early Saturday morning and discharged me. Within minutes of my discharge, Simon's doctor came in a discharged him. We had to wait a full 24 hours though to do his PKU test. Exactly at 11:40 on Saturday, they did his PKU and we were headed home.

Olaf is having a bad stomach day today. He is in a lot of pain. The medicine is not working. I have no idea what is wrong with him, but it scares me.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

May 4, 2007

We welcomed Simon into the world! He was born at 11:40 am, weighed 8 pounds 6.7 ounces, and was 22 inches long. I haven't slept for, oh three days now, so I am exhausted. He is nursing well and my milk is already coming in. He is the only baby that weighed more when he left the hospital (24 hours later) than when he was born. Hee hee. My water burst (and I do mean BURST) as I rolled over in bed Friday morning at 3:30 am. I was so happy to know that he was finally going to come out:)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Update on Olaf's abdominal pain

After examining Olaf and hearing his symptoms, the nurse practioner called in the doctor. Good for her! The doctor listed off several things that it could be which included cancer. Ah, lovely. For now they are doing a blood test for H. Pylori and treating him with Protonix and Alinia in case it is Giardia (which it isn't in my opinion). They scheduled an endoscopy for July 9th and if that is ok then they will do a ultrasound of his gallbladder. I get to worry until then.

I had to pick Caleb up from school this morning. He has pink eye. Thankfully the pediatrician's office called in some eye drops for him without seeing him. He should be able to go back to school tomorrow morning. Olaf put him on the bus this morning so I didn't even see his eye. I didn't get to sleep until about 5:00 am, so when the school called at 8:00 I was sound asleep. Now I am pretty miserable just from not sleeping. I need a nap, but that won't happen with Caleb at home.

I'm so ready to meet Simon. I wish he were as eager to meet me.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Still here...unfortunately

Happy Birthday to my brother, CJ! He is 38 years old today...I think. He never updates his blog, but at least you can see a photo of him there.

Ricki Lake did a documentary on homebirth that premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival. It's called The Business of Being Born. I really would love to see it if it ever comes out on DVD. She had her first son at the hospital with the normal interventions and then had her second son at home. I have been doing a lot of surfing at homebirth sites (and unassisted birth sites) just in case this baby makes a quick appearance.

Olaf has a doctor's appointment for his stomach pain tomorrow. I am happy about that. It is with a nurse practitioner though and I really don't trust their judgment. Hey, I'm cynical. What can I say? I am not a sheeple. (That's a cross between a sheep who follows blindly, and people) There are very few doctors that I fully trust. I have yet to find one RN that I think is more competent than myself. (Yes, I am a bit proud and narcissistic by nature)

Have a great evening.