My Josiah

Yesterday was my Josiah's 8th birthday. I spent the day worrying about him. He has lost about 6 pounds since the summer (August) and my mama heart is in a frenzy. He is a tall, skinny kid. In the summer he weighed about 68 pounds, and as of Christmas Day he was 62.8. That is a huge weight loss in a short period of time for a child. He is 54 inches tall which makes his BMI around 15. I have made an appointment with the pediatrician on Thursday. I don't know if she will blow me off since he weight is still "great" for an 8 year old. It's not his weight, but the weight loss that scares me. We'll see. Until then I am taking Zanax and trying not to show my concern. (It's not working.)

We went to Chuck E Cheese's yesterday for his birthday. Then he went to Target for popcorn with just Olaf and I. We were supposed to go out for dinner, but he wasn't hungry. He spent most of the day playing his new video games.

Oh, he's my only child so far that needs orthodontics. I need to make an appointment for a spacer because his mouth is too small for his big teeth.

A new blog

I started a new blog today. It's called My Alabaster Jar. It's for my thinkerly thoughts. I'll keep this blog too. To update family activities and such. Just wanted you to know.

Will I lose my dignity?

WIll I lose my dignity?

Will someone care?

Will I wake tomorrow

from this nightmare?

It's so easy to talk about love. To quote 1 Corinthians 13. So easy to say we need to love like Jesus. Easy when we do not have to be around people who desperately need love. The homeless, the drug addict, the prostitute, the people who honestly are unlovable. The people who manipulate the system. The people that we feel don't deserve love because of the choices they have made with their lives.

I watched Rent again tonight. I love this play/movie with everything in me. I cry every single time I watch it. When Angel dies and Collins sings at his funeral; I lose it. Love is love is love.

I want to love like Jesus. I want to love (just a little bit) like this man who doesn't even know Jesus.

Less intense

Much less intense than my last post. And for what it's worth, I did let Olaf read the last post before I published it. (Not that he could have stopped me from pressing that "publish" button) My blog is a cathartic experience for me. I used to sensor myself while writing, but not anymore. This is me, Misty. You can choose to read or not to read.

Pressing on...

Camille has a really bad cold/cough. She feels horribly. I think Simon is in the beginning stages of it as well. He is coughing at night a little. I still took Camille to her first People to People meeting on Sunday. It was just a social gathering for the Student Ambassadors. Our first real meeting, loaded with information, is January 15th. I am so excited about this trip. I am buying things for her left and right. I called our cellular service today (AT&T) to make sure she would be able to use her cell phone while she was there. I am glad I called because the only phone that works in Japan is the iPhone or a Blackberry. So, she'll take Olaf's iPhone with her as he also has a Blackberry for work that he can use as a cell phone while she is gone. I also looked around to see if she needs a converter for the electricity. (She doesn't. Not for the iPhone charger anyway.) Japan uses 2 prong outlets a lot like ours, and runs on 100v electricity.

Just for fun watch this! You'll enjoy it if you liked Rock n Roll in the 80's.

Christmas is almost here! YAY!!

The come clean post...

As you may or may not know, there was a family upheaval when I was eight weeks pregnant with Simon. If you look through the archives of this blog around September 2006, you will see a few vague posts about the worst day of my life. It is a day that changed me forever. It made me rethink everything I knew, everything I believed, and everyone I trusted. It was the day I found out my husband was a liar. The husband who taught Bible Study in our home. The husband who told me that if I were "more submissive" he could love me better. The husband who told me on several occasions that I was an "awful mother" and an "awful wife" and it was me who was causing him to be suicidal. "Misty, if you could only be more Christ-like. Misty, if you could only have a more meek and quiet spirit. Misty, you are not allowing me to be the head of our house." Let me fill you in...

In September 2006, I was eight weeks pregnant with Simon. At the time, there was a woman who was flirting with Olaf at his work. It was so bad that the guys in his shop started talking about it. During this time, I asked Olaf, "So what else do you need to tell me?" Well...never ask that question unless you really want a truthful answer. He told me to go into the bedroom so he could talk to me in private. It was there he told me about his lifelong addiction to pornography, but more than that...he had told my best friend (who had told everyone in my women's Bible Study) and for the previous four years EVERYONE knew he was struggling with porn and yet...I go to Bible Study every single week...the only person in the room not knowing that my husband has a problem. I brag about how awesome he is. How much I love him. What a fool believes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-k4-L6GAjE

I am not mad (and have never been mad) about the porn. Let's face it. In this day and age a lot of men struggle with pornography. What I still struggle with is the fact that my husband told everyone, except me, about his addiction. My best friend knew. My Women's Bible Study knew. But...I didn't know. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Can you imagine the tongue clucks and whispers that must have happened after Bible Study every week?

Needless to say this has changed me. It has changed my relationship with my husband. It has changed my relationship with God.

Why am I writing this post now? Partly because I am tipsy. Partly because I need to say it. Partly because my children deserve the truth. Partly because I am madly in love with my husband.

You see, since September 2006 I have shown very little respect for the man who fucked me over. As a matter of fact, I asked him for a divorce and he refused to leave. There is no doubt in my mind that the ONLY thing that saved my marriage was an unborn Simon Perry Jorek. But because I was so hurt (and so bitter) I told Olaf that I would never be the same woman. That if he wanted a marriage where he would be respected, he should divorce me and find another woman. I promised him that I would never, ever forgive him and most certainly would never forget what he did to me. And you know what?

I obviously have not forgotten.

But what I can say is this...

Olaf has spent the last four years trying desperately to win my love. When all I can do is stuff my face with food because of the emotional pain, he tells me I am more beautiful than ever. When the children disrespect him, he understands why... When I say jump, he answers "how high my love?" As much as I hate writing this, I love him more now than I ever have before. Unconditional love is something most people never get to experience. I get to experience it every single day. No matter how I treat him, he is there for me. Supporting me, loving me, and tending to my every need and desire.

Have I forgotten? No fucking way...

Have I forgiven? I'm trying...

Do I love him? More than anything.

Joy, joy, joy

I had a great day today! I spent most of it with my friend, Becky. We haven't seen each other for about five years, but it was so much fun. I love people who are real, have absolutely no facade, and share great music with you! I was introduced to the Foo Fighters, Godsmack, and Cee Lo! I only listen to 70's easy listening (think America and Boston), so this was a step for me and I enjoyed every minute of it. We had fabulous conversation and even Simon had fun. I am so thankful to God for people like Becky!

Love Wins

I have a friend on Facebook whom I love and adore. I have never met her in real life, but I am quite certain that if I did I would stand in awe of her. She is the mother of six children and always posts things about loving her family, loving her neighbor, equality for all people, you get the idea. Now, I know that it is easy to fool people on the internet. You do not have to be all that you portray yourself to be. (Good golly, I know a lot of people in real life who are nothing like their facebook posts!) However, I am also facebook friends with her husband who is the same kind of positive person as she is. They are genuine. Do they probably have issues like the rest of the world? Yep, I bet they do. But what really made me believe that she is who she says she is was a set of photos she posted. You see her teenage son had been gone overseas for a few weeks and the family was going to the airport to welcome him upon his return to the USA! As her son came into view, her other children (ranging in age from 14 ish down to 6 ish) ran to their brother and literally hung off him. There were tears all around as they stood there in the middle of a busy airport and just hugged each other and cried. My friend must have been the one taking the photos as it was just of the siblings. I was overtaken (is that a word?) with emotion when I looked at the photo. Would my children react the same way if Camille was gone for a few weeks? We shall see next summer, right? But I have a sneaking suspicion that the only people crying upon her return will be Olaf and myself. What makes my facebook friend's family different than mine? Is it just temperament? I don't think so. I think it's a lot more than that. Her motto is "Love Wins" and indeed it does.

Let's see, let's see, let's see...

You have to say that title really fast and like an African American. You know, like Bon Qui Qui, while patting your hair. I love me some Bon Qui Qui. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then you can click here.

OK, so I just turned 43 years old. Forty-three!! How awesome is that? Life is so fleeting and my children are growing up so fast. I am so happy that I have lived this long. I think about my friends who never made it to 43. My friend, Karen Isherwood who passed away from breast cancer at the age of 36 I believe. Then there is Nattie Pie who died of stomach cancer at the ripe old age of 34 and left behind two precious children. Just think if Karen and Nattie would have lived to 43. That would have been several more years with their young children. It's not fair, but it is what it is. I will never understand why two women, who loved the Lord, were taken in the prime of their life. Why God would allow seven children (five of Karen's and two of Nattie's) to live forever without a mother. It's easier for me to think that HE had nothing to do with it. I'm sure the theological buffs out there are cringing, but I prefer to think of it as a cosmic mistake and HE, the ONE who GIVES life, wouldn't be so cruel and callous to end it much too short. That gives me comfort, so I will believe it.

Changing subjects...way changing subjects... I love Bombay Sapphire Gin.

Today is Veteran's Day. I am a veteran and proud of that. I served in the United States Air Force for four years. Olaf was deployed during Operation Dessert Shield to Bahrain for a few months. We served during a conflict and we know what it is like to work 12 hour days/7 days a week for months on end. Am I grateful that Olaf now works for Delta? You betcha! But, I would recommend the Air Force for any young person who doesn't know which direction to take out of high school. It is a great place to mature and find a career field that suits you. If we would have stayed in, we could have retired at 39 years old!

(So proud of myself for blogging!)

Vacation and other things...

That has been a title of another post at some time or another in my blog history because it just popped up like I had typed it before. I have been blogging FOREVAH, so yeah...chances are good that I've repeated myself more than once.

We just got back from a two week vacation to Disney World. We stayed at the fabulous Animal Kingdom Kidani Village which is, by far, my favorite resort that we have ever stayed at on Disney property. I am so, so, so happy we bought into the Disney Vacation Club two years ago. It has been a fabulous experience. We are planning on going to the new Hawaiian resort, Aulani, for our 25th wedding anniversary in January 2013. We will renew our vows in the presence of our five children. (Just like Claire and Phil from Modern Family!) I think it will be a fun trip for all of us. We will spend a few days in LA at Disneyland, then fly from LA to Honululu for six nights.

Camille has been accepted as a Student Ambassador in the People to People program. She will be traveling to Japan next summer if she can raise the needed funds. She is super excited about it and, as much as it scares me, I think it will be a fabulous experience for her. It will also look good on a college application. If anyone is reading this and would like to help Camille get to Japan, checks can be made out to "People to People" and sent to our address. The cost of the trip is $8,000 (which is a lot, I know) but the things she will get to experience is unparalleled. Camille is becoming quite the young woman and maturing at lightning speed. She must have inherited her Omi's boobs, because they are way bigger than mine! That also scares me as Olaf's mother died of breast cancer at the age of 50. I am thinking I may have the BRCA test done on my girls. I want them to know if they are at risk. Gosh, I hate cancer.

The weather right now is GOR-GEOUS! Oh my word. It is sunny and cool and couldn't be any more fabulous-er! My (29th) birthday is Tuesday and I am so thankful for this beautiful weather. Especially since we were in the second level of hell for most of our Disney trip. Really! Upper 90's in November?? For real??

I think it is time to potty train Simon seeing that he is pushing FOUR! Oh my, he is spoiled rotten. I love him so much though. He looks just like Cami when she was little. There will be no more Jorek children, so I am waiting for grandbabies!!

Now, off to reset my iPhone to see if it will work better! Nothing like wiping out technology to see if it will improve its function!

Vacation and other things...

I know I rarely blog. I really don't have much to say anymore. I have stopped analyzing my life spiritually, and just begun to live in freedom. Because of that, there in no more inner turmoil or beating myself up for not being Godly enough. It sure is nice.

A very sweet Estonian college student has adopted us for the summer. She is here selling books for Southwestern, and works very, very long hours. She stops here every day of the week except Sunday which is her off day. We have grown to really love her and she is a part of our family now. We will definitely have to visit Estonia. If you don't know where Estonia is, look right below Finland on a map.

So, it's getting close to out annual vacation to Disney World. We are all counting down the days. This is the first time we will have to pay for Simon though. The big boy is three and now he needs a ticket. Even more exciting (if that is possible) is our vacation in 2011. If all works out as planned, we will be spending my 44th birthday in Hawaii at the new Disney Resort, Aulani. Go ahead. Click on it. It opens next year. :)

All of the children started school over a month ago. Camille is taking the College Prep High School Diploma through Ashworth College. It is a SACS accredited diploma, so she should be good to go with college and the Hope Scholarship. She is taking Algebra 1, Biology, Academic English (Literature), Vocabulary, Spanish 1, and her World History is on back order. So far, so good. Grace started fourth grade and Josiah started second. They are doing DVD's from ABeka. Caleb started school last Monday and is in the same class as last year. I cannot believe he will be FIFTEEN in just a few short weeks. Where did the time go??

Camille will be traveling to Japan next summer through the People to People Program. She is doing her best to raise money to help offset the cost. We go to an informational meeting in October. Let's hope she doesn't blow it this time. She has to keep a B average in school and not lie about anything. ::crosses fingers and knocks on wood::

I vlogged

You can see it on You Tube.

Oh my...

Life. It happens so fast. My children are done with yet another year of school. I will have a HIGH SCHOOLER next year. Whaaaat? Where did the time go? I am begging her to go to public school. She is resisting because she thinks she will be a failure. Her self esteem is non-existent and I am to blame somehow; I am sure of it. She thinks she is ugly, stupid, and not worth anyone's time or attention. She is fourteen. I hope someday she realizes how precious she is, but I think it will be long time coming.

Then I will have a fourth grader who hates everything about school. She really doesn't want to go to public school because she realizes that she would be stuck in a classroom for 7 hours and she is NOT having that. At all. No thank you. She would rather be out playing and riding her bike and her scooter and scraping her knees by falling on the driveway.

My Josiah will be in second grade. Another one who tolerates school and cannot wait for the "learning" to be over. "Mama, do I have to write my spelling words?" is the sentence I hear every single day. Ummm, yep. The answer never changes.

Caleb is staying in middle school one more year since he will attend public school until his 21st birthday. It makes sense to keep him in middle school four years before transitioning him to high school. It is time to think about Social Security, and Medicaid, and transitioning IEP's and lots of other stuff that most people will never have to deal with. Lucky us, we get to jump through a lot of legal red tape just to remain his guardian after he turns 18. And so it begins.

Life
is so short.

Enjoy
every breath.

Even
if it means
being true to yourself
when no one else
thinks that is a good idea.

Don't listen
to them.

Listen to
you...

Because you...
you alone...
are the only one who knows
what makes you
happy....

Does anyone read this anymore?

I am so rarely here. Facebook addict? Yes!

Just got back from a week in Disney World. Fabulous as usual. We go back in 195 days or something like that.

Homeschool is almost done. Ten more lessons.

Camille is doing an exchange student thing this summer. She will be going to another country for two weeks and the person she is matched with will come to our home for two weeks. Need to get a passport for her.

Still going to the gym, not losing weight. Too many margaritas and I don't cook. Not a conducive combination to weight loss.

My mom and Great Aunt came in March to watch my children while Olaf and I went to Las Vegas. That will never happen again. Ever. It was worse than I thought it would be. (my Great Aunt was fabulous. The mom part, not so much.)

Has spent several thousand dollars in vet bills since December 23rd when we adopted these two new cats.

Talked on the phone today with Tammy Pitts for like three hours. We don't talk on the phone often, but when we do it's for a looong time.

Is still basking in the new found grace and acceptance of myself. I love me.

I am also thankful that there is no more struggle to "measure up" or "be good enough" or to feel like I cannot be my authentic self. It is liberating and a freedom I cannot describe.

Heading to the gym now. Perhaps I will update again. Perhaps not. I have no idea. :)

Happy Easter

I really like this song...