Thursday, February 03, 2011

An Open Letter to My Friend

Dear Friend,

I am glad I got to speak with you on the phone today. Even though I felt a bit blindsided by the conversation, I am glad it occurred. There are things I still want to say, so I will say them here. This gives me time to process (like you had your time) and to rewrite if the words are not making sense, or are sounding too harsh.

Friend, this is my blog. It is where I share my feelings, frustrations, joys, and life. It is about me. It has never, ever been about you. If you have issues with something I write, then it is your duty as a Christian to come to me and have a conversation. I remember a time when a Bible Study Group I was a part of was offended when I madly stomped out in the middle of the study. Instead of coming to me with my behavior, the leader of that group directed another member of that group to call every person in the Bible Study (except me) to ask if they were "OK" with my behavior. Was my behavior childish? Probably. Was it right for her to call everyone except me? No frickin' way! This is an example of what not to do when you are offended by a sister in Christ. Especially from someone with such... what were the words you used today on the phone? "Godly Character?" With that said, you never did call me. I called you. I had no idea you were upset. You had taken 6 weeks or more to "pray about it" and "get your spirit right." And of course, you have been busy, I understand that too. But during that phone conversation, you already had time to process your feelings. Me? I was working on pure adrenaline.

Like I said on the phone, I respect the decisions you have made even though I do not agree with them. I have honored you in my words and deeds. I have never blamed you for anything. I have never mentioned your name when telling my story. I have never made you out to look like the 'bad guy.' We both know who the bad guy is in this story. And the bad guy affects me so much more than he affects you. My life. My relationship. Even though this affects me to the very core, you are upset because you feel like I lied in my blog. About you. Really? You care so much about yourself in this situation that you cannot feel the deep despair that I am going through? You are more concerned that I might have posted an untruth than feeling the pain that those words were trying to express? Can I tell you something? It's not about you. Those words I wrote are as true for me today as they were the night I wrote them. Should I have prefaced them by "I feel like..." Perhaps. I am sorry that one sentence in my blog offended you.

So, in closing... In my opinion, there is a strain on our friendship that makes it hard to bear. I am not the same person I was when we were close friends anyway, and I think that bothers you. I cannot pretend to be the old Misty when she no longer exists. I am still a Christian and you would think Jesus would be enough to hold a friendship together. I've learned the hard way, that is not true. Will we always be sisters in Christ? Sure. Sisters don't have to be friends. I harbor absolutely no animosity toward you. I have nothing but love for you as a sister in Christ. I wish you love, peace, and happiness in your life. In a time of need, you can always count on me. But I want you to know that I will no longer pursue an earthly friendship with you. If you want to remain friendly, please do not hesitate to call me or email me. I will always reply. But I feel that I have been the one who has sought you out and this friendship feels a bit one sided to me.

Much love,


Kris said...

I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog, its real and about real life things. I have had "friends" like that too, some family that is like that, and I know your pain in this situation. I want you to know that I will keep you in my prayers that God grant you full peace and comfort, and keep guiding you to the right places.Blessings!!!

Madame Rubies said...

Something we talked about at a recent writer's conference was that other people will always remember your story from a different angle - theirs. And, when writing our stories, we may offend them. It is a sad thing, but if we want to tell our truth (and I think we need to tell our truth) then we have to accept that not everyone will be so happy about it. Not everyone will remember it how we do, because it did not effect them in the same way.

Misty, I am proud of you for living a transparent life. You never claim perfection. You do claim the love of Christ. That, I can live with. If you ever start the whole fake-perfect-Christian-Mom-Blog persona that is so prevalent on the web, I will be saddened.

I love you.

PS I once made a blog banner that said, "You're So Vain, I Bet You Think This Blog is About You."