Update on that German girl :)

So, Andrea's family will be here on Sunday to pick her up. It has been a good two weeks with her. She was very quiet in the beginning, but she acclimated quite well to our family. All the flights look full for Cami to get over there, but we are still checking all the avenues to get her there. Hopefully something will work out.

Olaf leaves Sunday for the Mayo Clinic. He found out today (when he went to look at his direct deposit) that his disability ended June 30th. That means there was not a deposit today in our bank account. Needless to say, he is on the phone with doctor's offices and the disability company to try to rectify this situation. Not getting paid for two weeks is kind of a bummer to say the least. Just grateful we have a little in the savings or we would be screwed!

She's home, Andrea's here

Cami came home last Sunday and Andrea arrived last night. We now have a German exchange student in our midst. We didn't spend a lot of time with her before she went to bed last night. Maybe three hours. The girls played Wii and air hockey. Olaf will take the family to the 4th of July parade tomorrow and I will stay home with Caleb. We bought some fireworks from Florida on our way home from Disney last year, so we have some fun fireworks to shoot. We have never done "big" fireworks before, so this will be interesting to say the least.

Camille enjoyed her time in Australia, but she didn't love it like she did New Zealand. She is already planning and saving for her People to People trip next year. It is called European Heritage and is a 20 days trip to England, France, Germany, Belgium, The Netherlands, and Switzerland. She needs to raise all the money this time. It's actually less expensive than her New Zealand trip, but we just cannot afford to help her this time. She has 11 months...

Olaf and I plan on going to Rome (Italy, not Georgia, you rednecks) sometime next year as well. After Camille gets her driver's license. I am not sure exactly when, where, or how...but that is our plan. I have never been out of the country and I think Rome would be such a fun trip filled with history. Olaf still has 2 positive space tickets that Delta gave them for something. I think they expire next year and that is what we plan on using for our little jaunt across the Atlantic.

And, that's it for now. Does anyone still read this thing?

Camille's Trip Update

Well, Cami cried when she left New Zealand. Can you believe she didn't want to go to Australia? That makes me laugh and mad at the same time. She has been in Australia for four days now. She spent a couple of days in Sydney then went to Shoal Bay. See the Sydney Opera House behind her? Now she is flying to Cairns. Tomorrow she gets to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef. Then her last day she gets to see kangaroos and crocodiles and hold a koala. She will be home Sunday evening. She will barely have time to adjust back to our time zone before Andrea gets here from Germany for two weeks. Then our family will have two weeks without Andrea before Cami gets back on a plane and leaves for Berlin for another two weeks!

Olaf has an appointment next week with a pain doctor. He needs to get his pain under control so he can go back to work. He's been home so long it is going to be weird to have him back at work. I am not sure when he will go back, but I am assuming it will be the beginning of July. His Mayo Clinic appointment is July 18th. He is flying down the 17th and probably won't be home until the 20th. Hopefully they can figure out what is going on with this poor guy. ::crosses fingers::

I am so excited

If you know me at all, you know I despise the stomach virus. Personally, I have not vomited since Thanksgiving Day 1994 because I am SO fearful of it. One reason I hate the stomach virus so virulently is because of the way it is spread. You can ONLY get the stomach virus from poop or vomit. That means you have to ingest poop or vomit in order for you to get this awful virus. GROSS! Whenever my children get the stomach virus I do everything in my power to contain it. I wear disposable gloves and surgical masks when I am with a vomiting child or cleaning up vomit. I clean and Lysol everything after every single time a person in my house pukes. I spray the toilet, the flusher, the light switch, the sink, the floor. I go through a huge bottle of Lysol with every episode of the stomach virus. Needless to say, since I hate it so much, I do everything in my power for my children not to get the virus. I will not let my children play in those nasty play areas at McDonalds, if we go into a store of any sort I use hand sanitizer during the store visit as well as after the store visit. I make my children wash their hands immediately upon arrival at home. I am sure my children wash their hands more than most children. All that said I found the best website about the stomach virus. Listed there was another website with hand sanitizer that actually kills the norovirus as well as the rotovirus. To say I was giddy with excitement doesn't even capture the feeling I had. Of course I immediately ordered some and cannot wait to get it.

On another note, Camille is going to school today with her host family. She is excited and I am excited for her. All I know about the host family so far is they live on a farm, have 2 girls aged 17 and 15, the girls are really into sports, and she ate fish and chips for supper last night by a fire. She also said the toilet, shower, and bath are all in separate rooms. I hope to hear more when she gets home from school. I do know this is the high school she is at right now.

Update on Camille's trip

Yesterday, Camille had a blast! It was the first full day of her trip and what a day it was! They started off the day in Rotorua and went to the Agrodome Farm Show! I think they got to watch live sheep dog herding (like in the movie Babe) but I don't know for sure. Then they went to Mount Ngongotaha and took a gondola up the mountain, then rode this fun go cart/luge thing down the mountain.



She had a blast doing that and rode it three times! It seems their tour guide over there is named Tony and Camille has taken quite a liking to him. I insisted she text me his photo. So, meet Tony the tour guide!

After that they went to Wai-O-Tapu Thermal Wonderland. She didn't text me anything about that because I was already sleeping at that point. Then they left to spend in the night in a Marae which is the local meeting house of the Maori people. She had dinner in the style of a Hangi, prepared using steam or hot rocks in a pit oven. They are spending the night in that Marae as I type this. She texted me and said she was so cold she was shivering. Her exact words were, "OK, in the marae, it's awesome, gonna shower, I'm so beautifully cold I'm shivering and today was awesome!!! I love u!" It doesn't get better than that.

Then, the delegation leader called me about 6 am this morning to tell me there had been an earthquake at Christchurch. The delegation is supposed to go there in five days, but may be rerouted by the People to People office. So, because of that and the ash cloud from the volcano in Chile, their itinerary may be affected. I am sure they will do whatever it takes to keep the students safe and still have fun.

Camille will meet her home stay family today and for the next two nights will be staying with them in Palmerston North, New Zealand. She will actually be attending high school with her host family's child so that will be really weird for her. She has absolutely nothing to compare it to. I am hoping the host family has a computer and she can email me, or even skype. ::fingers crossed::

She's gone...

My baby girl left this morning for New Zealand and Australia. I cannot believe my child is going to be gone for 16 days half way around the world. As I type she is on a plane over New Mexico flying to LAX. Then at 2:40 am Eatern she will board a plane bound for Aukland, New Zealand. She will lose a day and miraculously be in winter when she arrives at 8:30 am Sunday morning local time. (4:30 pm Eastern on Saturday here) To say I am proud of her doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I cannot wait to see the photos and watch the videos and hear the stories. Only 16 more days...

Boob is fine...

After being smashed until my boob was as flat as a pancake, and an ultrasound to boot, it has been determined I don't need to go back until next year. All clear.

Camille is all packed and ready to go. So exciting!! I cannot wait to see the photos when she gets back. She is going to have such a fabulous time and I am so excited for her. Olaf is going to try to drive her to the airport Friday morning. I hope that goes OK, but if it doesn't someone from work can come pick him up. He plans on going to the gate with her and waiting until she leaves. I know he is going to cry.

I have been watching the Casey Anthony trial when I can. The prosecution is doing a great job, but I am looking forward to seeing the defense's case as well. I'd love to be on the jury.

Oh...I bought P90X on Ebay and am waiting for it to arrive. I wonder how much of it I will be able to do. I am going to give it a try though. I just hope no one sets up a hidden video camera and tries to record me. How embarrassing.

More of the same...

Olaf got the results today from the spine doctor and everything is normal. We are just waiting for the blood work from the rheumatologist. If that is normal, then I guess he needs to go back to work until he goes to the Mayo Clinic in July. Yes, he still has pain and yes, he is still taking pain killers but perhaps he can get away with not taking the pain killers during work hours.

I go in tomorrow for the ultrasound on my breast. I will post results as soon as I know something. I am the same age as Olaf's mom was when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She died at age 50. Needless to say, Olaf is more scared about this than I am.

We are getting estimates for concrete work and landscaping. We need our driveway and walkway regraded and poured as the run off is still causing our house/foundation to sink. We also need the front lawn landscaped since the septic lines have been replaced. I am sure it is going to cost a lot of $$ that we really don't have to spend.

Camille leaves this Friday. She spends all day Friday traveling with huge lay overs in Dallas and Los Angeles. She doesn't get on the plane to Aukland until 2:30 am (Eastern) Saturday morning. She arrives at 8:30 am Sunday morning local time (which is 4:30 pm Saturday for us!) Talk about jet lag! She is going to be SO messed up when she gets home. At least she gets to change seasons and have some winter weather. Lucky girl.

When it rains...

You know the old cliche, right? Well my routine mammogram has turned into a needed ultrasound and spot check due to some changes from my mammogram last year. That is scheduled for next Tuesday. Hoping it isn't serious.

Olaf has not gotten his results from the tests last Friday. His spine doctor is out this week and he is the one that needs to read the results. He has not gotten back the blood work from the rheumatologist either. We did go to the Veterans Service Office yesterday for Olaf to apply for disability. Ah, the joy! I have no idea when he is going back to work. I hope it's soon. I mean I really love having him home, but he cannot stay home forever. He is on disability right now (which is 100% of his pay) but it goes down after 90 days, so he needs to scoot!

Camille leaves in a week for New Zealand and Austrailia. How exciting!! Our friends gave her a Bon Voyage party today which was really sweet. They gave her a Domo to take with her and she plans on taking photos with it all over the place. The traveling Domo!

We are replacing our septic lines today. Our yard is completely dug up and it looks horrible. But they needed to be replaced after 23 years of tree roots growing into them. Especially since there are seven people using a septic system designed for four. It is so sad to see the front lawn nothing but a pile of dirt, but I am sure in a few years it will be as good as new. For now, it is just ugly.

Simon is cute. The end.

and the beat goes on...

Drums keep pounding a rhythm through my brain. (and yes, I had to Google how to spell rhythm)

OK-no results from the tests that Olaf had done on Friday except he does know that the EMG done on his left arm was normal. However, the results from the myelogram and CT scan have not been read yet. I need to update here when we get those results in. Olaf went and got his blood drawn yesterday for some tests that Dr. Stark ordered. I had them add a Lyme's Disease test in there because advanced Lyme can cause a lot of neurological symptoms as well. I watched a documentary about Lyme Disease called "Under Our Skin" on Netflix and it was very interesting.

OK, Olaf is home with pizza from Rockback. We haven't tried it yet, so I am going to break my low carb diet to see if it is worth it! (Not that I am losing weight on it anyway...)

Olaf's health status (cussing follows)

On May 2nd, Olaf went to the ER via ambulance with severe shoulder pain. He was driving in his car when all of a sudden he got this twinge in his shoulder kind of like when you sleep wrong and you pinch a nerve. The twinge continued to get worse and worse, until he had to pull over and call an ambulance. When I met the ambulance they were working on Olaf. Thinking it was a heart attack, they hooked him up to the EKG all the while Olaf was screaming and crying in pain. His feet were shaking and he was literally screaming. I had never seen him like that before and I felt helpless. I was there to answer the EMT's questions and give Olaf's vital statistics. They decided to take him to the Fayetteville hospital, so I drove the van there. When I arrived at the hospital, Olaf was lying all by himself in a room screaming, sweating, frothing at the mouth. It took about 20 minutes before the doctor saw him and told the nurse to give him some Dilaudid to relieve the pain. While the first dose took the edge off, it only took the pain level from a 10 down to an 8. At the ER they did a CT Scan and a chest X-Ray to make sure he did not have an aortic dissection, and after those came back clear they basically said go home and good luck. The next day, May 3rd, I took Olaf to our regular primary care doctor who ordered a bunch of blood work (all clear) and an MRI of his neck. I took Olaf to his MRI and lo and behold we were told that he has a herniated disc in his neck that is causing his pain. Hallelujah! We thought we had an answer. However, luck was not on our side (or God...however you want to look at that.) I took Olaf to a spine doctor, Dr. Haid, yesterday at Piedmont and he told Olaf he does NOT have a herniated disc and has no idea what is causing the pain. So, Olaf is scheduled for a CT/myelogram, X-Rays and and EMG this Friday up at Piedmont in Atlanta and we are back at square one. Square fucking one. Do you know how frustrating this is for him? He has had joint pain, muscle pain, muscle twitching, severe fatigue, and several other symptoms for months. He has been to a neurologist who asked him if it was "in his head." What the fuck? Are you kidding me?? He has been out of work since May 2nd because he cannot drive. The minute he tries to drive his pain is immediate and crippling. This is giving Camille a lot of driving practice though. She runs him to appointments that are local and errands that need to be done. He is depressed, despondent, and cries. He is frustrated as you can imagine. He is in the process of filling out paperwork for the VA because all of these symptoms are linked to Gulf War Illness. And that about sums it up for now.

On another, happier note. My Gracie turned ten years old yesterday. She loves her face painting kit more than the candy vending machine that she just had to have! Grace is full of vim and vigor and will go far in life with her determination if she puts it to good use. :) Grace-if you read this one day-I love you more than you will ever know.

Ohhhmmmm

Well, I just got home a week ago from Nashville. I was there for the Pure Romance Convention and had a great time. Now I leave Wednesday for two nights with a girlfriend for Panama City Beach! I kind of have mommy guilt for leaving again after just getting home. (actually it's wife guilt) I'm sure it won't last too long though. I am more excited about my friend going, than I am for myself. She is a single mom of four children and never, ever gets to go anywhere without them. I think it will be really good for her to just have two days of relaxing on the beach without hearing "mom" all the time. We laugh a lot when we are together and laughter is always a good thing. She doesn't drink alcohol, so she will be the designated driver at all times. Gosh I love friends like that!

You know what I miss? Old Mad TV. That is where Ohmmmmm (my title) came from. In my mind this is what I hear.

Olaf's health

Olaf has been going through some neurological testing recently. He is having a lot of different issues. Cramps in feet and hands, pain in joints, lethargy. The list literally goes on and on and, until we get a diagnosis, I'd rather not write about it (or think about it). All that to say that he has had to gather all his medical records from the past and this blog has been very helpful for that. I was able to go back to 2006 and tell him what his brain MRI results were. So, here I am documenting again. It might be important one day to have this all in writing. Olaf is definitely suffering from Gulf War Syndrome (thanks to an anthrax vaccine we believe) and has a year to file a claim. He goes in tomorrow for another MRI on his brain and then next Thursday for an EMG. To say that I'm scared is a huge understatement. I want him to live to see our children grow up.

My children are almost done with school. Six more days. Camille will not have a break though. Her trip to Japan has been cancelled due to the earthquake and she has been rerouted to New Zealand and Australia. She will be gone 17 days and I am going to miss her terribly. She leaves in mid June. We will host a 14 year old girl from Berlin the first two weeks of July, then Camille will travel to her home the first two weeks of August. I sure hope they like each other, or this is going to suck for them.

Simon is almost potty trained. He is doing really good. He tells us now when he has to go instead of just letting loose in his Pull Up. Yes, I realize he is almost four. I took him to the doctor yesterday for allergies. He is sneezing and his little eyes are all puffy and red. She prescribed some eye drops that cost me $116! It is called Pataday and HOLY COW was it spendy. I hope it does its job. He is also on Claritin. It's weird because I never thought I had allergies, but Dr. Heindel put me on Nasonex and it is helping with my cough and itchy throat. So, I guess I do have them. I also snort Alkalol every morning and night. I need to order a Neti Pot and use that instead of snorting.

I will update more often. I promise. I need medical documentation and this is a great way to do it.

She passed!!

Camille took her driver's permit test on her birthday and passed. I have a driver! WOW!! On a sad note, People to People has cancelled the trip to Japan this summer because of the current danger there. Camille is devastated. They are planning another trip, but we do not know the destination yet. I hope it is China because the trip there looks fabulous through People to People. She is already going to Berlin in August on an exchange program, so hopefully it is not Germany. Before the Japan trip was cancelled, Camille was going to do a project about Bento Boxes. So, we bought a bunch of stuff to make them. Needless to say, I am now hooked. Olaf gets a Bento Box everyday for lunch. The children get Bento Boxes at lunch as well. It is fun for me to pack them. I am not great at decorating as I am not much of an artist, but it is fun to do anyway. A great place to start is by watching Bento TV. Go to the archives and watch the very first episode to see what Bento is all about. You can even shop her Ebay Store from that website.

I bought a BodyBugg a couple of weeks ago. I like it! It's what they use on The Biggest Loser. Have I lost weight? Ummm....no. Still fat as ever. I wish I didn't like fattening foods. That would be awesome!!

Olaf's health is in a downward spiral right now. We are awaiting blood test results and a chest X-Ray result as well. So many things going on with him. Pain, fatigue, bloating, cramping, swelling... Just trying to figure it all out. I don't even like to think about it. He needs to go see a neurologist too. His pemphigus is still active and hurts like hell. I try not to worry, but that's like trying not to breathe for me. I'm having my own health issues, but most likely it's my hypochondria. :0)

I cannot believe Simon is going to be four in a couple of months!! FOUR! My baby. He still talks like a baby, takes a pacifier, sleeps with me, and poops in his diaper. For some reason, none of that bothers me in the least. Maybe because I know he is my last baby. I can honestly say I am too old to have another baby and Olaf is too sick. I would love grand babies though. I loved the line in the movie "Easy A" where the parents tell the teenage daughter to hurry up and get knocked up so they can parent another baby! That made me laugh. (They were joking, by the way, to those of you who are appalled right now.)

Camille is Fifteen!!

It only took seven years to conceive her. It's hard to believe that could have a 22 year old if it would have worked out like I planned. Instead, she turns 15 tomorrow and will take her permit test. The first child is always the 'test' child. She definitely had it harder than the other children. There is so much I would do over if I could. I am trusting that she will forgive me, and perhaps learn from my mistakes, as she someday parents her first born. She's turning out to be quite the young woman in spite of my parenting though. She marches to the beat of her own drummer and I like that about her. She roots for the underdog, opens the door for strangers, is wonderful with little children. She radiates beauty from her soul. She will be my world traveler, my adventure seeker.

Her current likes:
Reading on her Kindle
Anime
Manga
Japanese Culture
Drawing Manga
Writing Novels
Glee
Ellen
Howl's Moving Castle

I wonder, sometimes, if it's healthy to love my children this much. Sometimes it overwhelms me. I am so, so blessed. Happy Birthday, Camille! Continue to love. Because love always wins!

We are back from Disney World

We spent a glorious week in Orlando and got back on Saturday. I am already counting down the days until November when we go back. We will do Disney Animal Kingdom Savanna View for five days, then go to Disney's Vero Beach Resort for the weekend, then back to the Animal Kingdom for four more days. Woo Hoo! My children are spoiled. And speaking of spoiled...

Camille has been matched with a girl in Berlin to do an exchange program with. Andrea is 14 years old and will be coming over here the beginning of July for two weeks. Camille will then go to Berlin to stay with Andrea and her family the first two weeks in August. We are super excited about it and Camille is loving the fact that she will be in two countries in less than two months. Japan in June, Germany in August. Lucky girl!!

So, my life is on Facebook now. I keep this blog going for the faithful that don't have Facebook and want to check in on me. My friend, Tammy, in Oregon mainly. I cannot believe in this day and age that everyone doesn't have a Facebook page. :0) I wish everyone would so I could find old friends and teachers.

I am also thinking of going to the Rob Bell book signing on the 31st of this month. His new book Love Wins is coming out and I'd love to listen to him. It has sparked much controversy in the "church" and I will blog about that over at My Alabaster Jar! This is no longer the place for my spiritual insights.

I'll check in again sooneth.

Chicken Pox

Grace, Josiah, and Simon have the chicken pox. Poor Gracie has them the worst so far. Nothing worse than chicken pox in your hoo ha. Josiah started first on Friday, then Grace on Saturday, and Simon today. The incubation time is 14 days. I am just hoping Olaf is immune enough to varicella to not get reinfected. Chicken Pox would literally kill him.

I am watching the Super Bowl right now. Mostly for the commercials. There have been a few good ones so far. Simon is sleeping in my arms, so I am typing one handed. He is three years old and I still hold him... I wonder how long he will let me?

Camille had a great People to People meeting yesterday. She made a few friends. I am already buying stuff for her trip and calling it Birthday presents. Today I bought her a portable clothes line, Dr. Bronner's soap to wash her clothes, some Loksak's to use to wash her clothes, some travel toilet paper (since Japan public toilets do not have toilet paper in them) and a few bandanas to use to dry her hands because the bathrooms don't have paper towels either. I also bought her some shoes that she can slip on and off easily, not only for airport security, but also for the Japanese custom of removing your shoes before entering a home. I already bought her a Kindle, and lighted Kindle Cover, and a Flip Video Camera. Olaf got a new Fugi Digital Camera as a gift for his 20 year anniversary with Delta, so she will be taking that as well. She is so prepared!!

Love this video!

Pretty by Katie Makkai

Pretty by Katie Makkai

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, “What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? What comes next? Oh right, will I be rich?” Which is almost pretty depending on where you shop. And the pretty question infects from conception, passing blood and breath into cells. The word hangs from our mothers' hearts in a shrill fluorescent floodlight of worry.

“Will I be wanted? Worthy? Pretty?” But puberty left me this funhouse mirror dryad: teeth set at science fiction angles, crooked nose, face donkey-long and pox-marked where the hormones went finger-painting. My poor mother.

“How could this happen? You'll have porcelain skin as soon as we can see a dermatologist. You sucked your thumb. That's why your teeth look like that! You were hit in the face with a Frisbee when you were 6. Otherwise your nose would have been just fine!

“Don't worry. We'll get it fixed!” She would say, grasping my face, twisting it this way and that, as if it were a cabbage she might buy.

But this is not about her. Not her fault. She, too, was raised to believe the greatest asset she could bestow upon her awkward little girl was a marketable facade. By 16, I was pickled with ointments, medications, peroxides. Teeth corralled into steel prongs. Laying in a hospital bed, face packed with gauze, cushioning the brand new nose the surgeon had carved.

Belly gorged on 2 pints of my blood I had swallowed under anesthesia, and every convulsive twist of my gut like my body screaming at me from the inside out, “What did you let them do to you!”

All the while this never-ending chorus droning on and on, like the IV needle dripping liquid beauty into my blood. “Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Like my mother, unwrapping the gift wrap to reveal the bouquet of daughter her $10,000 bought her? Pretty? Pretty.”

And now, I have not seen my own face for 10 years. I have not seen my own face in 10 years, but this is not about me.

This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl 30 stores in 6 malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven't a clue where to find fulfillment or how wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those 2 pretty syllables.

About men wallowing on bar stools, drearily practicing attraction and everyone who will drift home tonight, crest-fallen because not enough strangers found you suitably fuckable.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.”

Disappointed

Today we were supposed to have company. My friend and her children were supposed to come over for lunch. About 10 minutes before she gets here, I notice Josiah is not acting like his normal perky self and I take his temperature. 101.5. ARRRGHH! I am not sure if this is the same thing (possible chicken pox) that Caleb had two weeks ago. I guess only time will tell. He seems fine right now, except those droopy eyes that give him away every time he is sick. He always looks tired when he is sick and his energy level drops considerably. He is usually bouncing off walls and jumping off couches.

Tomorrow is Camille's first real People to People meeting. They cancelled the January meeting because of the snow. She is super excited. It is all the way over in Locust Grove so we need to leave bring and early in the morning.

I made Buffalo Chicken Dip today for our company that didn't come. I love that stuff. I actually prefer it without the Ranch Dressing in it. Here is the recipe in case some of you have been living under a log:

A bag of frozen chicken breasts-boiled and shredded

1 cup (but I use the whole bottle 12 ounce bottle) of Frank's Buffalo Sauce

1 cup Ranch Dressing (I leave this out)

2 bricks of cream cheese softened

Mix it all together, top with shredded cheddar and bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Eat it with Tostitos or Crackers. I prefer Tostitos. I think I'll go eat some and grab a beer. Yum!! Gosh, I wonder why I am the fattest I have ever been in my whole life?

An Open Letter to My Friend

Dear Friend,

I am glad I got to speak with you on the phone today. Even though I felt a bit blindsided by the conversation, I am glad it occurred. There are things I still want to say, so I will say them here. This gives me time to process (like you had your time) and to rewrite if the words are not making sense, or are sounding too harsh.

Friend, this is my blog. It is where I share my feelings, frustrations, joys, and life. It is about me. It has never, ever been about you. If you have issues with something I write, then it is your duty as a Christian to come to me and have a conversation. I remember a time when a Bible Study Group I was a part of was offended when I madly stomped out in the middle of the study. Instead of coming to me with my behavior, the leader of that group directed another member of that group to call every person in the Bible Study (except me) to ask if they were "OK" with my behavior. Was my behavior childish? Probably. Was it right for her to call everyone except me? No frickin' way! This is an example of what not to do when you are offended by a sister in Christ. Especially from someone with such... what were the words you used today on the phone? "Godly Character?" With that said, you never did call me. I called you. I had no idea you were upset. You had taken 6 weeks or more to "pray about it" and "get your spirit right." And of course, you have been busy, I understand that too. But during that phone conversation, you already had time to process your feelings. Me? I was working on pure adrenaline.

Like I said on the phone, I respect the decisions you have made even though I do not agree with them. I have honored you in my words and deeds. I have never blamed you for anything. I have never mentioned your name when telling my story. I have never made you out to look like the 'bad guy.' We both know who the bad guy is in this story. And the bad guy affects me so much more than he affects you. My life. My relationship. Even though this affects me to the very core, you are upset because you feel like I lied in my blog. About you. Really? You care so much about yourself in this situation that you cannot feel the deep despair that I am going through? You are more concerned that I might have posted an untruth than feeling the pain that those words were trying to express? Can I tell you something? It's not about you. Those words I wrote are as true for me today as they were the night I wrote them. Should I have prefaced them by "I feel like..." Perhaps. I am sorry that one sentence in my blog offended you.

So, in closing... In my opinion, there is a strain on our friendship that makes it hard to bear. I am not the same person I was when we were close friends anyway, and I think that bothers you. I cannot pretend to be the old Misty when she no longer exists. I am still a Christian and you would think Jesus would be enough to hold a friendship together. I've learned the hard way, that is not true. Will we always be sisters in Christ? Sure. Sisters don't have to be friends. I harbor absolutely no animosity toward you. I have nothing but love for you as a sister in Christ. I wish you love, peace, and happiness in your life. In a time of need, you can always count on me. But I want you to know that I will no longer pursue an earthly friendship with you. If you want to remain friendly, please do not hesitate to call me or email me. I will always reply. But I feel that I have been the one who has sought you out and this friendship feels a bit one sided to me.

Much love,

Misty